Regretfully Regretting.

It's funny how a few intimate conversations with friends can really make you analyze your past and where you are moving forward to. I've given up a lot of what I used to do and what I used to want for what I believe is the best for my own sanity and future. People often think that it is hard to hold onto to something, but I believe the most strong people are the ones who are able to let go of things. I've always been really big on not fighting all the time over the same exact thing. I like to avoid conflict and try my hardest to do what I feel is right. Sometimes I question that and sometimes I have the "what if's" pop into my mind. I think everyone does, but it is how we choose to address those what ifs and allow ourselves to move on that is important. That is kind of what I was attempting to explain to my friends who seems to be having trouble moving on and addressing those "what ifs".

We can't dwell on what is not meant to happen. We can't torment ourselves with wonder, because if we do then we will just further drag ourselves into this cyclical behavior. Of course your ex boyfriend is going to be there if you spend a hunk of time dating them. I should know I've been in that situation and I still get contacted every now and again. Does it hurt? Sure it does nobody wants to remember their past and when it continuously emerges in your face it's like being slapped. It makes you question and wonder if what you are doing is really what you should be doing. You have to ignore any feelings you may have and know that things end for a reason and there is a reason they are your ex no matter how many lovey dovey phrases they may use on you to try and weasel their way back into your life. Letting go is hard to do, but if you have the strength and courage to do so you will go far and you won't limit yourself on something that could be amazing. I'm glad I didn't limit myself because I am completely happy with my life and relationship right now. I just feel it's right and if I hadn't let go I would have never found the person I'm with. I would have never gotten a chance to feel the love I do for him and I would have missed out.

We can't limit ourselves, we have to believe that we can and we will conquer anything that comes in our path. I will fight for my dreams and be strong because that is what I know is right and nobody can ever stop me. I really love everyone who is in my life and had such a wonderful time today even if our conversations turned slightly emo. I just love being there for people and knowing that they appreciate that and that they are happy to see me. Tonight was super fun I got to eat at Red Mango which I have been dying to have! For those of you who aren't aware of what they serve it's frozen yogurt with fresh fruit! I have hated icecream ever since I've eaten frozen yogurt, because it just tastes more refreshing and delicious than an icecream cone. Gelato is sitll number one in my book, and no that is not solely based on my Italian heritage. I had a mango, pineapple smoothie from here which was delicious! Jackie had an acai smoothie which ended up spilling all over her. We went for our usual drives and enjoyed the beautiful summer night. I enjoy nights like these because it's nights that are carefree. I worry so much during the days about work, school, getting another job, and doing chores that I forget sometimes how beautiful and simple life can be. How amazing the air smells when it is cool out, and how the moon is so bright illuminating the world. I also often forget how delicious fresh fruit is and spending a good time with good laughs on a random bench talking about random things. I sometimes regrettably forget how beautiful life is and how it is a miracle that I am here and how blessed I am to be able to have moments like these.

I'm excited for tomorrow. I may be going fishing with popsicle again for some catfish and stripper bass. I'm such an outdoorsy glamor queen! It's quite funny and ironic actually how I like to get dirty and fish, but always need to look beautiful when going out. I practically define the world dichotomy. After that I am going to get my bangs trimmed and then possibly have dinner with another friend who I haven't seen in so long. She wants to take me out for a special birthday dinner which is so kind of her to still want to do something for me. Sunday is the fourth and I have mixed feelings about the fourth of July. As many of you know I often go on a rant how we are just celebrating the slaughter of hundreds of innocent Native Americans. There was no justification as to what we did to them. Though I make statements such as these I find myself to be fairly patriotic. I really am proud to be an American and enjoy this country despite it's lack of leadership over these past few years. I see the fourth as more of an excuse to go out, get drunk, and blow things up. Don't get me wrong I love seeing fireworks, but people don't celebrate the holiday literally. It's more of a we have off let's party type of holiday which I despise. I can't stand people who look for excuses to drink and it really disturbs me that this type of behavoir continues to exist. The roads are filled with these people and every year many innocent lives are taken because of this holiday. I suppose I am just bitter because I've never really had a good fourth and never really watched the fireworks with a special someone.

This year will be different. My friend is going to stop by on Sunday and we are going to watch the fireworks together and eat red, white, and blue Popsicles. Mhm that's right the best Popsicles to exist will be eaten by us whilst watching the sky turn various different colors and pollute the air. I just want to enjoy this holiday by making good memories and remembering how lucky we are to have gotten this country and been free from the British. I do not wish to think about the many people who had to die in order to get this country, but I am proud to be an American and I can't wait to watch the fireworks and salut the flag :]. Have a safe and fun Fourth everyone! Please do not drink and drive and please watch your hands when setting these things off. We are not invisible! Do not forget this.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe The Bitter Angsty Girl this Evening.