Crying does not make you weak.

In fact, crying makes you so much more strong. When I was a little girl somebody that I was extremely close with told me that crying was for the weak. That it was not proper to cry and that there was no reason for tears, because the person you cried for typically was not seeing your pain. For years I believed that crying was sin. I could not bring myself to cry because of those words and at my own grandmothers funeral I did not cry despite how close I was with. As I grew older and witnessed several people I deemed to be strong crying I realized that it was okay to cry. Crying had a newfound meaning it was not for the weak, but for the strong. Tears only signify that you are not afraid to expose your emotions. It still is difficult for me to completely express myself off of written text, but I'm becoming better at it. 

Tonight I went out with my friends and I felt as though I fell into the same cycle of my typical Lexy. I attempted to act as though nothing really bothered me and that I was extremely happy to be out when I was in actuality exhausted and just wanted to go home and curl up with my blankets. I'm feeling lonely, but I am happy. I know that emotions eventually pass and we must push forward. Sometimes they are harder to get out of, but I know I will in time. I suppose I've always wanted to be able to express myself and have had trouble because I've been focused on keeping everything internal. It was always a self defense mechanism that I kept buried deep inside of me. When I do attempt to say how I feel I often feel as though I'm shut down. People don't listen and try to see things from my eyes. It only is through their own, which is a bit discouraging. I attempted to talk to my dad about how I felt and I could not completely tell him. I felt frustrated with myself and I believe he could sense the frustration.

I suppose I just am sleepy and am again lacking sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Goodnight blog.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe