After the few incidents that I have had I feel much more secure and happy when I am riding public transportation. I'm sure that I have mentioned this previously, but I feel compelled to mention it yet again. Today was not the most thrilling day to take the bus and though I'm quite frightened to drive I wish I had been in my nice air conditioned car not walking miles to school on this humid Chicago day. I've been advised that South Florida is a wonderful school to obtain a PhD in more qualitative communication research. I considered South Florida for a brief moment, but then realized that it was not that close to Disney World. If it had been closer to Disney World I may have considered it, but I just can't take Florida's humid weather. At least if I were able to go to Disney I would be in a place surrounded by happiness and forget for a moment that I was in a suffocating wave of humidity. Sure it's nice and warm and I'm sure during the winter it is gorgeous, but I can't fathom being encased in a steam room 24 hours 7 days a week during the summer months.
While walking I could feel my hair curling, releasing it's true Jewish form. Though I normally am completely beside myself when this happens I didn't care much today. I just kept reminding myself that it was the natural me, and that the natural me was just as beautiful as the straight haired me. I think the most important part of life is just being satisfied with who you are and never giving up on yourself. I truly believe that you create your own happiness and I'm constantly reminded of this with my screen saver here at work which reads create happiness. I'm the happiest I've been in my entire life and honestly I shouldn't be because I've had the most dealt to me during this time period. I suppose all of this positive energy sparked when I began to write my thesis and took a deep look at life and what I want out of it. I know what I want, but not entirely where I will end up. That doesn't matter, what matters is that I get there. If I stress too much about things I will waste so much energy on the stress rather than focusing on getting to that finish point in this race of life. When I wake up in the morning I remind myself that it is a brand new, fresh day and that it will be different from yesterday. That if I want to change something I can and that I will accomplish even more and get closer to achieving my dreams. Each day brings new hope and new memories and lessons. I cherish each day and though everyday life can be somewhat mundane and boring it isn't. We are alive and we have to remind ourselves that it is a blessing we are able to breath air for that day. Even if we are just sitting around we just need to appreciate that we are alive and well able to experience.
Lately I have been discussing how much I do for others and how it has taken a toll on my well being. I began to write furiously about my own experiences in my thesis and began to understand why I enjoyed helping others so much. It wasn't because I felt bad for them or felt like I was obligated to, but because I understand how much people are dependent on others. You can do so much for someone by just listening to them and I used to be the best listener in all the land. I used to sit and listen for hours and wait until the other person wanted me to say something. I encouraged and attempted to make those who needed me feel as though the could confide in me whenever they needed to. I never discouraged anyone and never gave negative input. As time progressed and I became more busy I began to stop listening as well. It became more of a "what am I going to get out of this conversation" type of situation. Somewhere in all of the chaos life has to offer I forget how wonderful it made me feel when I just listened and encouraged instead of making things about myself or turning something somewhat negative. I've been attempting to listen more effectively and go back to the "old lexy" the one that had so much care in her heart that it nearly was about to explode. The heart that always sacrificed it's well being to lend somebody a hand.
There is so much people can do they don't even realize what they are capable of. It doesn't take much to make another person happy or do something for someone else. You can volunteer a couple hours a week and help the starving, abused, depressed, and afraid people in the world. You can be there for your family and friends and give them hope and encouragement. Inspiration is found in so many different forms and the second you are able to let go of your own selfishness and think about others that is the moment you will find true happiness. I want to apologize for not being perfect, but I know that I never will be. Nobody will be perfect we all make mistakes in life and we all have moments where we wish we hadn't said something or done something. We can't take those back, and we must move forward or we will never continue to grow. If you live in the past you are limiting yourself and the one thing you must know about life is that it can not be limited. If you want something bad enough you will achieve it. I always say that people are capable of as much as they tell themselves they are capable of. If I want to be an academic and publish a book I can. If I want to run a half marathon I can. These dreams may seem difficult, but the challenge is what makes them so much more rewarding in the end.
I love life and thank the lord everyday for the days he has given me. For the people he has surrounded me with, and for being there when nobody else seemed to be. With him I am never alone and as long as I remain positive and happy. Things get hard and we all have feelings and get emotional, but its the ability to work past these that make us strong and the people we are. We can not hold grudges or hate, as the Amish say forgiveness is what makes us powerful. If we are able to forgive then we are able to do anything. If we try we are never failures. Our dreams are something that nobody can rob from us. And our memories are the most special gifts we will ever receive.
Love always,
Alexis Zoe
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