No Strings Attached

Narratives are the most fascinating documents to exist in the world. Reading someones innermost thoughts is really a treat, because you get an idea of their emotions. I can almost feel people's emotions through their writing and they don't even need to be prolific. It's just wonderful to see the raw emotions and this is why I read blogs and write my own. It's a documentation of my life story. I'm constantly changing, reevaluating, learning, growing, and dreaming. I love being able to look back at my own personal narratives and remember the person I was and all the things that have stayed with me. I was reading a few blogs today and saw a collective issue for nearly all of them. Loneliness. Desiring human heat from another human being and wanting something that's safe. It reminded me much of myself not too long ago. For the first portion of my life I focused on other things other than boys. I didn't really become interested in dating until I was about 16 to be honest and even then I really didn't want to be serious with anyone. Since about 17 I've been in and out of relationships. The longest I was single was maybe 6 months and even then I was dating several people nothing exclusive just dating. This made me realize something fundamental to nearly all human beings. We all need other people whether we want to disagree with this or not it's the truth. Even serial killers need other human beings or else I mean who would they murder right? We all desire other people in our lives and this is the one thing that links us all together. Being alone is a scary thought and many of us require affection.

The one issue I find in my own life and what these people kind of brought to my attention was the expectations. We have so many expectations and will search day and night to find someone when we are lonely or fill the loneliness in some way. Why? I used to have high expectations growing up with school, work, and relationships. I convinced myself that things needed to be a certain way and this was the most limiting thing I could ever do to myself. We are the only people who really limit ourselves and when we have high expectations we limit so many possibilities. Life should be unlimited. It is an adventure and needs to be rode out and not thought about. Sure it's interesting to think about life and we shouldn't not think. I obviously don't condone this. I do however believe that people let things get to them too often and their expectations often cause this grief.

Why worry? Why care? I mean I care about people in my life, but as far as where I will be, who I will be with, where I am going I honestly am not concerned. I know that wherever I end up I will make it. I know that life isn't perfect, but that I need to keep living even during the times that feel the most stressful and miserable. I'm honestly one of the happiest people on the planet right now. Strange because my darling Bears lost to Green Bay, I'm not sure if I'm going to get in anywhere, and I am single something that I am not used to. I have no clear, definitive answer on where I will be next year or even in the next few months all I know is that I am living. I drove to Milwaukee this past weekend. I'm smitten with that city it screams Alexis. Though my heart and roots will always belong in Chicago I consider Milwaukee my second home. While I was there I did a lot of thinking and on my ride back to Chicago I hit a huge snow storm and the white, blinding roads got me thinking. What if I lived life like this? What if I lived life blindly and just kept following the road to see where it led? What if I continued to venture even though I was afraid of crashing?

When I was in that snow I realized what the old me would have done. I would have gone into shock thinking I would crash because of the massive amount of snow coming at my car making the road completely unclear. I don't drive the highways to Wisconsin so frequently that the roads are second nature to me, but I didn't panic. I actually kind of got lost in the snow patch and the thought of not knowing where the road was kind of made me smile in a sick, sadistic way.

"This is how I need to live life." I found myself thinking.

I no longer have expectations from anyone. I don't anticipate anything to go my way or for things to be perfect. I'm satisfied with all of my decisions and just want to live and adventure with people that I enjoy being in the company of. We put labels on everything. We attempt to make ourselves feel safe, but why do we need this safety net? Why can't we just be comfortable with the life we are leading and enjoy the moments we do have with people, the places we do go, and stop thinking about everything? I feel as though this huge weight has been lifted off me and that I am free. I feel capable of nearly everything and just have this new found appreciation for life. I've been having an amazing time, because I have stopped saying no to everything. I have stopped thinking the worst of every situation and stopped expecting things of people. People are imperfect we all make mistakes. We are all guilty so why lay the guilt on others? When we stop doing this we stop putting limits on what we can do in life. I just want to have fun. I just want to be given affection and love by the people that I like. My friends, family, and whoever else I like they all make me happy and I like going out with them. I like trying new things and this is what my life is now about.

I have stopped worrying so much and now am just happy experiencing. I'm excited that I have been attempting to travel and going out more often even with my busy schedule. It makes me remember why I enjoy life in the first place, because of all the things the world has to offer. I'm exhausted so this blog may not make much sense. All I'm saying is live. Stop limiting yourself. Stop expecting the world and more. Be free. Be spontaneous. Never give up on the amazing people in your life and stop being afraid. Jump into things. Do stupid things. Make mistakes. Smile a lot and most of all be true to yourself.

<3
Alexis Zoe