My darling dear blog readers,
Though I like to believe that there is an extremely large group of you I'm aware that there are possibly only a couple people who actually take the time to read my novel of blogs. Alas, I find that the internet has become my way of expressing myself. If you actually do read this leave me a comment. I don't bite... I promise you I will not prejudge you if you should write something unexciting. Anyways, I had this brilliant idea of what to write while I was swimming. The brilliance began to deteriorate as I walked back to my apartment and finally when I arrived it was gone. I will attempt to write something just as riveting as what was originally in my head, but I'm making no promises.
The feeling of my feet against any kind of hard surface, moving at extremely quick paces makes me feel free and is as close to flying as I can imagine flying would feel like without actually being in an airplane or growing wings. Yes, I am aware that was a run-on sentence. After being injured for over a month and being advised to not do any sort of physical activity I felt my body slowly growing and my mouth moving more quickly out of sheer boredom. Alas, hulk Lexy is back and more fierce then ever. I spent nearly 3 hours working out today and it felt fantastic. I believe that the best feeling in the entire world is the pain you feel before a workout from your previous workout and working out the pain. I understand that this is kind of strange, but nobody said I was normal. I ran 4 miles and only stopped because my iPhone decided to become possessed by some sort of demon voice control bug and kept shutting away my music leaving me swearing and causing the dude next to me chuckle at my frustrations and naughty words. I decided that if I continued my frustrations I would inevitably break my phone and this would be worse then a malfunctioning voice control setting so I hopped off the treadmill to bike 5 miles. Though a stationary bike is convenient for winter I miss spidey sitting down there by his lonesome. Call me five years old I don't care, but I love my bicycle and named him after my favorite super hero! I want to get spidey a friend a classic bike. Always wanted a classic and am considering this golden schwinn that kind of sort of matches my car. How adorable would that be? Attach my bike that matches my car to go on bike rides in different cities. Joy :)
So by coincidence my memory was just sparked as to what I wanted to write. When I am in class my mind is put to ease. I find it increasingly difficult to have intellectual conversations in today's day and age. People just shut off their minds so quickly it becomes near impossible to be able to discuss anything. Today this discussion also came up at work. I live my life in a very specific way that will never falter no matter how convincing the other person attempts to be. I believe that we are capable of doing everything. What does this mean? If I wanted to become a surgeon I could... With enough practice and confidence in myself. If I wanted to iceskate I sure could figure it out over time. In my heart and mind I do not prejudge and I am constantly open to new ideas and new challenges, because I believe that I will be able to accomplish them and it will teach me something only enhancing my knowledge bank. Well rounded people who are able to see the world in different angles are so much more unique and exciting. My theory is that people have become so accepting of safety. They long to please others and in the process end up displeasing themselves. They limit themselves because they believe that is what they must do, and most of all they are lazy. Yes, I am calling most of the people in the world lazy.
The question of "How do you do all that you do? Do you ever sleep?" Pops of frequently in discussions with others. I simply tell them this. I do it because I know I'm capable and can with a smile. Of course I am human and not a zombie. I actually do require sleep and some down time to just let my brain be stupid for a while; however, I am constantly learning and growing in any progression of life. I find time to do the things I love such as write in this blog as well as be responsible. Working doesn't cause me pain and suffering like most people. I'm actually extremely excited when I've accomplished something. I enjoy making money, because I like to stimulate the economy. Okay, lies I have expensive taste and am obsessed with being adorable but if I want to feed addictions, move out, and pay off my debt I need to work. Class brings me pleasure and I am extremely intrigued by the theories that come with academia. Finally, working out is just something you do for yourself. Sure when I get to the gym and I glare at the treadmill I secretly whisper to myself. "I hate you" and remember how much pain it is while attempting to reach my mile goals. Once I am running I feel free and I feel like if you love yourself you take care of yourself. When I run I feel like it is the ultimate test of my strength, especially since I usually run on minimal sleep. I find that when I work my hardest at everything I am happier.
So where does this bring us now? Happiness. What is this thing we call happiness? It doesn't exist. Happiness is not concrete. There is no dictionary definition (okay well maybe there is, but it can not clearly be defined). Why can't we define happiness? I mean afterall isn't everything able to be matched with something concrete. My dear friends here is where you are mistaken. Happiness, love, sadness they all arise from different emotions that are unique to each person in the world. What makes me happy may make somebody else miserable, like for example, running 6 miles. I am finally happy and I finally understand what happiness is. Happiness is seeing those I love happy and being able to constantly put smiles on their faces. Happiness is helping people in the world less fortunate than myself or who just feel alone. Being capable to me is being happy and having confidence in yourself. Happiness is when you go out with someone and make fun memories that are unique to you and that person or people. Happiness is when you are riding your bike along the lake and in deep thought just enjoying the natural world (as natural as Chicago gets. Thanks Lake Michigan!). Going on adventures and being spontaneous now that is happiness. Taking risks and chances even if it means it may cause you sadness, because if you don't take a risk in life you never know what the result might have been. Taking a long drive out somewhere to explore someone new and watching the stars. That's beautiful and that is happiness. Listening to good music, singing your heart out, and dancing in tights and a cute dress that is the epitome of happiness. Dressing up in my white sox gear to watch them destroy whatever pathetic team that attempts to show them up, now that is bliss. Snuggling, cozy on a fall day with a hot beverage or a beer watching the leaves that is PURE happiness to me. Dabbling in vintage items, history, and museums so much to be learned and so much to be happy about. Flying kites, having picnics, and acting silly and young again oh so happy. Being alive, making memories, being loved, and loving yourself that is my definition of happiness. I have come to love myself more than ever before and I am beautiful.
My beauty is beyond my exterior it is inside. I have so much love and so much heart to give to this world and I am going to use my gifts. My thirst for knowledge, living, and caring will be the light of my life. I want so much for my life, because I am aware that for now all I know is that I'm living. Everyday I wake up is a miracle and every moment I spend with those I love is a miracle. I'm completely smitten with my life and feel success and a new chapter opening up. I'm ready to finish my book. I'm ready to get my thesis polished and publishable. I can't wait to decorate my own little apartment when I move. Running, biking, and swimming are going to be a part of weekly regime. So many new memories will be had with my friends. Oh gosh, guys I love you all! I'm a dork, but I just am swelling with happiness :)
<3Always,
Your Alexis Zoe
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