Dear Life.

Life,

Don't get me wrong I adore you most of the time. Tonight is an exception to that most statement. What compels you to provide so much negativity to someone so positive? I attempt to see the good in every negative experience, but at this point I am unable to see through the negative that has ensued today. This morning I awoke at 1:52am. Not believing I had slept over 11 hours I ran in search of another time source. Sure enough the clock read 1:52am. I began to frantically run around my room, throwing on uniform gear and attempting to remember where I placed my badge. I normally hang my badge on a dresser, but in a stream of unconscious zombie living I realized I had placed it somewhere else. Instead of being crazy, pouty Lexy I sat at the edge of my bed and attempted to use another tactic to finding an airport badge.

"If I was a badge...." I thought "Where on earth would I put myself?"

After a few minutes of deep thought the most obvious and brilliant idea popped into my head. The table as I enter the apartment! When I arrived at the table a few short steps away there it was laying with my little face smiling back at me. I threw my combat boots on and shot out the door. As I approached my car I saw a mound of snow lying on top. I had been completely oblivious that while I slept snow slowly incrued on my little car.

"Great. I have 2 minutes to clean this sucker off and warm him up." I blurted.

I got my blue, ice murdering stick of death and began to chizzle at my frozen car. When I started my car I felt a chill. My car was now a capsule holding cold as if it had turned into a freezer overnight. Chizzle. Chizzle. I ran around my car, snow getting into my combat boots and up my warm, fluffy sweat pants. Finally the mound was lessened. There was not enough time to clean off the entire mound, thus driving became somewhat difficult. I drove slowly in fear that the mound that survived my attack would fly into my windshield making the day of work become negated. The snow from the mound slowly brushed into my windshield as I drove the lonely, dark, desolate roads to the airport. Finally, I arrived in great timing! 2:35 am and I still had ten minutes before I had to clock in. I saw a Cruiser and parked next to my bff at work.

He teased me saying "I know you don't want to go to work!" Chuckles followed.

"You will never believe what happened to me this morning! I think I'm flipping my lid and I'm only 22 years young!" I began.

As I described the story my darling friend listened intently. When I got past security I ran to my coffee machine. I made a promise to that machine that I would never fail to get coffee from it and heaven knows I could never go back on that commitment. I smiled at work describing my story in vivid detail to all who wanted to listen to me rant and get excited about the possibility of sleeping through this job for the first time. Freight became extremely light and I began to question what happened. Our Wednesdays were hardly ever this slow and I kind of wanted to toss some pretty flower packages and smell them as they passed. Or even pineapples.

"We have three late flights. Two are coming at 6:30 can you stay?"

Can I stay... But, but.... BUT! I have another job and class tonight. When will I ever rest? When will I ever get at least 30 minutes of exercise in? But... but.... but THINK OF THE MONEY! All I have to do is sit around. I'm in. Crazy, but I am totally down for this late flight business. So I stayed and waited. I sat and chit chatted about my school endevaors.

"So what are you going for your associates or bachelors?" My favorite lady in the metroplex asked.
"My masters." I said smugley.
"What are you serious? That's amazing." I was presented with warm, welcome arms. I gladly flew into them seeing as I adore affection. "We have to do something special for her. Hear that? She's going for her masters we have to do something really special."

What do I do in these types of circumstances? Yes I know it's quite the accomplishment, but I see it as something I just love and did for myself. Not really to brag or say look at me I'm 22 and will have a M.A. Plus I don't want to jinx myself for graduation for I have yet to graduate. I smiled and blushed.

"Might be going for the PhD too if I am accepted." I said to draw attention away from the impending.

Her eyes shot wide open as she smiled at me. I sat and attempted to slowly stray the conversation away from my own personal successes. I do not enjoy gloating and am unsure of how to take all the compliments that fly my way despite them constantly being spit at me. The flight was light, but the drama that occurred was too much for my sweet little heart to handle. I just listened, nodded, and acted as if I agreed with everyone. Though this isn't always the best strategy I find it much easier then actually saying something substantial. I love everyone I can't really comprehend this whole "not getting along" business.

As I left I made a tough decision to not sleep until arrived home from class. This may have been a dumb move on my part, but I've become attuned with going days without sleep and I feel as though the zombie Lexy actually enjoys being a present and active part of my life. I got home and sat online kind of bummed out about a lot of things. Mostly the feeling I have of having no one around all these silly holidays. Partly because I was requiring cuddling, but had no one. Mainly because I wanted to speak to someone, anyone, but alas no one was online at such hours of the morning. I slowly got up from my snuggly comforter to dance my little butt off to my zumba game. As I looked in the mirror I noticed that I have actually began to thin out. The progress reminded me of how dedicated and capable I am of doing whatever I set my mind to. It encouraged me to dance my butt off even harder than I previously thought I would. I danced. Danced the morning away. Danced my frustrations out. Danced to the beat of life.

Before I knew it I was frantically dolling myself up for my next job and class. I chose brown and fancy turquoise jewelry today. Perhaps the most exciting part of my day is dressing up. It gives me so much confidence and makes me feel so good when I look adorable and get compliments on how adorable I look. I'm not an attention seeker and don't need verification that I am pretty. I know this. I just enjoy looking good and being complimented on my work. When I arrived at school I got smiles and was all around excited to be at school, not necessarily for work. I was greeted with a..

"Oh welcome back ready to finish all this work I have piled for you?"

Oh yes sir thrilled. I could not imagine any other thing I would rather be doing on my Wednesday afternoon after being up since 1:52 am. I began to work and divert to twitter, facebook, and other websites randomly. Of course I began to plan my shopping plans I had for the next day downtown. As I planned, got excited, and worked intermittently I was actually enjoying myself. Productively often makes me more happy then it should. I even began to fill out applications for various upcoming things such as another job and graduation. Before I knew it I was filling up my 5th cup of coffee for the day and running to class that began at 7:00pm. It was already 6:58pm. I arrived in class to see a bunch of people I didn't know (very odd for classes in my M.A. program), but also to familiar faces and hugs. Lots of lovely hugs from lovely people. It kind of cured my lonely feelings I had prior to class. We discussed life briefly and I sat intently listening to one of my favorite Professors.

She made me chuckle with her eccentric theatre personality and I even was assigned to talk about Elanor Roosevelt my hero! Perfect class and after class I sat and caught up even more with the ladies. They were so sweet telling me that I needed an alpha male and to not worry about such things. That I was a beautiful person and the person who got me someday would be lucky. I was also informed that men just chase the body and that it is rare men like a woman for their mind. Though I beg to differ on that statement there are many men who live by this. I kind of sort of adore the fact that they are always scouting for me and looking out for me when it comes to the relationship department. I always reply in the same manner to their concerns.

"I know. The right man will see that I am a real woman and that is what he will love me for. I am focusing on myself and when Mr. Right comes along I will welcome him with open arms." I reply smiling and kind of daydreaming about the moment this will happen.

I walked outside with one of my favs and we talked the entire way to the car. Once I entered my car I was feeling quite nostalgic. The day had went from bad, to decent, to me receiving plenty of compliments and cute advice. It was all fine and dandy until I started Cruiser Bruiser. I felt my car having what I imagine a car seizure would look like if cars could have seizures. It convulsed, flickered its lights, and scared the living daylights out of me. I turned it off and let it relax for a minute. When I turned it on the check engine light was on. This happened to me last month and the light ended up leaving so I assumed it was just a light switch malfunction. In an attempt to save money I decided that it would be acceptable to not take the car in only to be charged hundreds of dollars. Now I was convinced I made a poor decision. My car's main organ was malfunctioning and it appeared as though my shopping spree would have to be put on hold.

When I arrived home I felt exhausted, drained, more than zombified more like shot down on life. I realized that I still had a ton of work to do on everything and began to question what I was even doing in life. This seems to happen after negative days where I feel as though my life is just a slew of negative that I attempt to convince myself occurs for a reason to help me transform it into positive. The sodden lexy is no longer here. I have convinced myself that perhaps this is a wake up call. Life sucks! For everyone. Whether you believe that it does or not you're still going to have suck days. Imagine a life without suck days though. Would you even enjoy any days, because if they are all good what is there to compare it to? I mean this day is suck, but tomorrow who knows maybe it wont suck or it will suck more. This essentially means that in the future my suck day will be negated by a sweet, kickass day. This theory has caused me to decide that this weekend I will have a kickass, fantastic weekend full of adventure and fun. Indeed, there will be lots of consumption and memories to be had. Maybe even a little mini vacation somewhere, seeing as I have no school or work monday thanks to MLK. Thank you dear, darling, daring man. The three D's of success and gratitude.

I suppose I should end this novel, before it becomes something that has a substantial amount of words to actually produce a publishable text. Until then my dear friends hope you all have good days and less sucky days!

Yours truly,
Alexis Zoe