People always say...

How great of a person I am and how I am such a catch. Which I find interesting, because it seems that I can never hold onto people very long. I'm not just talking relationships (because I'm in a wonderful one currently), but I'm taking about people in general. I don't believe that everyone is meant to stay in our lives sometimes they are there for short periods to teach us something very simple. Others stay forever even if you are hundreds of miles a part. I guess last night and in general I'm starting to learn more and more about who will always be there and who might drift away. Does this make me sad? No, because I know that there is meaning behind their departures. Sure I'll miss people who drift away from me who I can't believe are no longer in my life, but at the same time I will appreciate the time we did have together.

I'm so sick so forgive me if this post seems a little out of wack. I haven't had liquids in nearly three days now and it seems the doctors aren't sure what to do with me. So I sit waiting to hear what I should do. I feel my body crying for something to drink, but my stomach seems to be being stubborn. I really think I will be fine though I'm young and fairly healthy. Sometimes our bodies like to throw curve balls at us or get run down and need some extra help to get better that hoping and resting just can't do. I really hate being like this though I've always felt a burden to my parents. I've been in and out of hospitals for years and I have not had to go to the hospital or see a doctor in nearly a year. I was starting to think my body was 100% normal, just like everybody elses. This is just a reminder that I have to struggle a little more because of my stubborn tummy. I just don't believe that my parents should have to pay so much for my medical bills and I constantly feel awful about how much I cost to raise. I need to find a job when I'm better and start doing whatever I can to help them. They don't deserve the hand they have been dealt they really don't and I want to do everything I can here.

I'm just trying to keep a positive attitude right now. I know that it can be difficult in difficult times, but I'm just trying to smile the sickness away. I'll never forget my gallbladder surgery. I was waking up from being knocked out by their anesthetics and I had this huge grin on my face. The nurse said "wow you woke up smiling. Not many patients do that." I told her that I was just happy to be alive and asked where my family was. When I saw my family I felt blessed to have such wonderful people taking care of me and it made me realize what true care and love really is. My mom is ill now and my dad is struggling himself. I understand that they can not care for me in the same way and I'm almost tempted to just take matters into my own hands to show them that I am old enough and that I am capable of caring for myself. My mom always could not understand why when I was in hospitals I'd always insist on using the restroom myself and getting things myself. I don't like feeling not in control and incapable of anything. I always push myself even when I'm in pain. After surgery I was walking to the bathroom by myself, which was not the wisest since I was advised not to because of the sterestiches.

I just want my parents to not have to worry about their daughter. I should be caring for them not the other way around. They need me I shouldn't need them. I just hope that I miraculously am able to drink and don't have to worry anymore and feel better. That would be the best scenario right now so I'm hoping for that. I'll just keep trying to calm this stubborn stomach! I'm off to try and sip on some more sprite.

Sincerely Me,
Alexis Zoe