Monday, May 24, 2010

Mind is Everything

"Mind is everything: muscle - pieces of rubber.  All that I am, I am because of my mind."


Running didn't always bring me a sense of peace and freedom in my life. In fact, it used to be something that I detested more than anything else. In High School I was nearly 100lbs heavier and hated any form of exercise except dance. The only reason I enjoyed dance was because I didn't feel like I was exercising. I'm sure I was awful at that as well, but at least I enjoyed myself. Back to running though, I ran a mile in 15+ minutes depending on my mood. My PE teachers would tell my mother that I needed to improve, but that they would not fail me if I ran it again. Running it again made me cry. Let's be honest it is embarrassing and caused more ridiculing. As I grew up I began to lose weight due to stomach issues. When I was recovering and doing a lot better now understanding what was wrong with my stomach I became obsessed with losing weight. I was never thin enough and to this day do not believe I am thin enough. I know that I am slightly overweight and that does bother me. I began to develop unhealthy habits in attempts to lose weight, when I discovered something that ultimately would make me look good. Working out was difficult at first and I still hated how I felt afterwards. I could not imagine how people loved this and woke up extra early just to get their runs in. As I became more fit it began getting easier for me so I began to push myself. There was a point I was running about 8 miles a day. My friends and family were impressed but thought 2-3 hours in the gym everyday was a bit excessive. After two weeks of not being able to workout due to hospital visits I now realize how you really can't let yourself go! I run 2 miles and am pooped, though I am running in 90 degree weather. The quote above really describes how I feel about running. Your body will tell you no this hurts while you're doing the exercise, but your mind can make you go twice as far if you just keep telling your body that it is capable and will feel wonderful afterwards. I am obsessed with working out and I am so glad to have such a "good" habit as a "bad" habit though I do believe that some of my workouts are a bit intensive. The picture is of me in my workout gear! It was quite warm out today!


Aside from running I love riding my bicycle. I have yet to photograph Spidey (yes I named my bike and for those of you who don't like it well.... I don't care!). I didn't get the motivation to ride it today, but I had a nice bicycle ride yesterday. I just love taking in the scenery and feeling Chicago gusts of wind brushing against my face. I fall in love with this city after winter is over. Winter is only beautiful during Christmas time with all the whimsical lights, other than that winter makes the city ugly and shows the amount of pollution that comes with a big city. It seems Chicago has done the opposite last year. Instead of staying cold and rainy for summer it has skipped spring and went straight on for summer. I find it quite humorous to see that nearly everybody's facebook status has something regarding the weather. Most of them are complaining about the heat (because we are so used to snow and negative weather), but I am loving this heat. I swear I was a reptile in another life because I love the sun. Plus quicker summer=quicker fall right! We could only hope. I am determined to find another job before fall so I can enjoy my fall. I will be doing a lot of important things this fall and a lot of traveling. The list thus far is San Fran, Minnesota, Arizona, Iowa, Wisconsin and hopefully a few more states! Oh I love exploring this world :o)


Today wasn't half bad though I got a bit agitated after my doctors office. Part of it was because my doctor explained that my condition may be onset when I get ill from antibiotics. The other part was because I was afraid something bad was going to happen! My doctor made me get an EKG because my medication can cause slowed heart beats, which is not good. I believe I had an EKG and previously and it was normal so I assume I can stay on my medication. I'd be lost without it. I also have to repeat my gastric emptying test, where you eat a nuclear egg and watch it go down the esophagus to the stomach. My doctor wants to make sure my medication is effective and such. The last time I took this test was a year ago and I was unable to keep anything down. They force fed me the egg sandwich, which ultimately led to me hating eggs for a while as one can imagine. I dislike all these tests that they conduct on me and often feel like a lab rat. I'm kind of a mystery and my disorder isn't very well known, but occurs in females my age. They have no official statics on how many individuals are effected though because it gets misdiagnosed as reflect (which happened to me for years). 


I miss being a health nut, I just discovered this. I've let myself go quite a bit since last year. I suppose it was because I started dating somebody who made it impossible to eat healthy! I started eating some fast food and though it agitated me at the start my body became used to it and craved it because of the additives. It is so depressing what the FDA has allowed to be processed and given to consumers. I used to go grocery shopping every week or two at Trader Joe's and only buy organic, good stuff. I felt healthier, looked healthier, and was my thinnest. I really feel like doing that again. There was a part time job at Trader Joes I highly considered just so I'd get discounted groceries and make some extra money, but I hate working at grocery stores. Not only is healthy food so much better for you and with time tastes yummy, but it also looks pretty! How pretty is a cheeseburger I mean seriously? But a fruit salad! The colors practically explode in your face and make you smile. Once I get another job I am determined to buy yummy, good for you foods and shed these last few pounds I've been trying to rid for years!


I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful, warm and sunny day! 


Always and Forever,
Alexis Zoe

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