What if Everything You Believe in Isn't True?

What if the face you see in the mirror isn't you? What if the blood we shed was wasted for a long lost cause? What if you found out you sold your soul at a great loss? What if you woke up from what you thought was an endless dream? What if the world we know was but a pain reflection of whats real? What would you do? What would you do? If there was no tomorrow. What would you do? What would you do? If there was no more time to borrow. What would you do? What would you do? If there was no tomorrow. What would you do? What would it do to you? Would there still be a need to move on?

De/Vision is a band that is not very well known in mainstream music. I'm sure little of you have heard of the band, but I used to love industrial/experimental music because it was so unique. I just love the synthetic sound of it and quite frankly there is so much beauty and meaning behind some of the songs such as this one. I used to really critically analyze life and let's be honest I still do. I'm a critical theorist if you will somebody who is constantly analyzing every situation. My friends discussed with me tonight how very observant I am and said that there is not one person who is quite like me. Another friend whom I feel extremely close with told me that it is rare to find girls like me. It's true I feel as though I am rare. I put myself out there for people and care more about others happiness than my own. I want more than anything to make people happy and I love showing people that I'm thinking of them and that I care. I really feel as though nobody should have to experience life alone.

I have talked to some individuals who really have inspired me lately. I'm not going to disclose who or what for, but they have changed my life and perspective on things and I can not begin to thank them enough. I really believe that life is too short to be unsure of who you are. I know what I want in life and I know where I have to be to get there. I know that someday I will do great things and these things will not be for selfishness. They will be for other people. I want to volunteer and help people and I want to write. I want to learn more and discover things that others have not yet discovered. I am always learning, always growing, and always thinking. I'm not afraid to speak my mind and be the person I am because I am proud of the person I am. I have battled with myself and struggled with things in life so much. People have told me that I am too nice, I let others take advantage of me, and that I am weak. None of the above are true. I may be nice, but there does not exist a state of excessive kindness. We should all aim to be nice to others and show acts of kindness even for those who do not want to receive it. Being kind is a big part of who I am and I will not change that part, because people deem me to be too nice. I do not let others take advantage of me, my kindness is often mistaken for that. I will not tolerate if someone does something so unjustifiably wrong to me or those I love. Will I forgive? The Amish have forgiving someone right. They will forgive even the most hated person, because they believe that the lord will judge them and that if they are not merciful as the lord is then they are not doing as the lord requests.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans12:9-21

The true act of kindness is forgiveness. I will forgive even those who wrong do me, because I am not of authority to judge them. So am I being walked all over? No I am following g-d's will and being kind to even those who commit evil upon me. We all have our weak moments where we become unsure of ourselves, or make mistakes. We are human and we do make mistakes that does not denounce us. We do not become completely wicked people who are forever cursed. We must learn from our mistakes and our weaknesses can only be fixed if we are aware of them. Everyone has their insecurities and weaknesses if we didn't there would be nothing to work on. We would have no purpose to become better people and would live with no real purpose. We would not need to set goals for ourselves or try much because we would already have perfected them for we have no weakness, nothing to hold us back. It is the struggles that we go through who make us who we are and ultimately more strong then those who claim they have no weaknesses, because we can understand situations and conceptualize them a lot more efficiently.

I want more than anything to be loved and I do feel loved by those who have entered my life and I even appreciate those that I have lost. For without each person that has come into my life I would not be existing in the same fashion that I do today. I'm so grateful to be alive and there could be no tomorrow. I could be completely wrong on all of my beliefs. Regardless I must stick to what I feel is right for me and I must never stray from what I want to accomplish in life. I could die tomorrow (heaven forbid). I want to live my life fully and think "if something does happen to me that will end my mortal life do I feel as though I have lived how I wanted to in that short time on Earth and do I feel as though my life was lived to it's fullest." Right now I know that my life has been and I'm excited to see what the future brings. We fear the future, because it is unknown. But the unknown is what encourages us to take risks and without those risks we would only understand the known. By limiting ourselves in that fashion we can never fully internalize this crazy little thing called life.

PS. I LOVE YOU MOMMY! I KNOW YOU ARE MOST LIKELY READING THIS. JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU OF THE TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU! 

PPS These suckas are mine! I'm so excited to finally have ordered them and they were on sale! Can't beat that :] (My quotes and such are in lavender in honor of my shoe. I know I'm silly).

Sincerely Me,
Alexis Zoe