August in my Christmas Eve

August is being brutal and not succumbing to any cooler weather. It appears as though summer may actually bleed into September a bit, but it better not impede upon my wonderful fall. About this time every year I get anxious for fall to come. It's as though I am a little child on Christmas Eve anticipating Christmas to come. Fall is my Christmas, it is the time that I feel most alive. It is, as I've described it before, the most beautiful death that exists to date. I believe that this is what real death is like. That it is beautiful and golden and that we go somewhere so much better than we could ever have imagined. I believe that my adorable and wonderful Aunt, my classy and beautiful grandmother, my charming and intelligent grandfather, and all the others I have lost in my life are in this beautiful place right now. They are watching me and constantly looking out for me and the fall reminds me of how beautiful death will be. It makes death seem so much less scary and allows me to cope better.

I am smitten in the Fall. Nothing can get my spirits down because I am surrounded by constant beauty. I actually enjoy the place that I reside now because I have a balcony that looks at the skyline and I have a huge forest right next to me. I'm able to watch the leaves and my gorgeous city combined. The smell of fall is indescribable. Every breath that I take clears my body of all the negative energy it's collected. It's as though I'm in a constant high. I am ecstatic for what this fall brings. Purple is my favorite color and I love that it is a fall color because I am able to paint my nails a deep rich purple color, wear my new purple kicks, and cozy up with lightweight cute jackets. I can't wait for Halloween so I can pig out on candy and watch scary movies with my boyfriend. I know I have to wait nearly 3 months to see him again so that we can be together for Halloween, but it is worth it. I've always been alone during this time and never was able to do all of the festivities with a significant other.

Don't get me wrong I love hanging out with my dad and doing these things, but it would be nice to have someone that I can cuddle and kiss while doing them :]. I have seen him at his happiest, when he is flying. It's so amazing to see someone you love so happy. It's the best feeling in the world! It tops all other feelings known to man. Johnny will be able to see me at my happiest when he comes in the fall. It's something I want him to experience with me. I can't wait to carve pumpkins, decorate my room (which I'll most likely be doing towards the end of this month anyways), apple pick, make home made apple and pumpkin pies, make festive cookies in shapes, wear my dark earthy colors, celebrate Halloween, go to haunted houses, and snuggle up watching horror movies under my warm blankets sipping on hot chocolate. Life doesn't get much better than that and I find that during the fall I also have this slew of inspiration and motivation. I just want to write during the fall. If I could lock myself in a log cabin surrounded by forest I would and I'd probably crank out a million pieces. It's my dream to do that someday! To live in a log cabin when I retire somewhere in the middle of nowhere and just enjoy the wilderness (whatever is left of it). I want to learn how to create my own things (such as knitting which I already taught myself) and fish everyday! How fantastic of a retirement would that be? Yikes see all this fall fervor is creating slight insanity! Well perhaps not, I mean it doesn't hurt to think about the future! You just can't expect too much otherwise all you will end up with is disappointment. Disappointment is not a friend of mine so why bother setting myself up for it!

Love always the pumpkin queen,
Alexis Zoe :]