Most fragile of things captivates and embraces you. I often feel as though I am drawn to everything that equates to being fragile. I suppose that is the nurturing part of my constructed being thus far. My mother gives me the courage and meeting her friend today was lovely. I got to see a glimpse of my mother as she was in the past. It was so wonderful for me to see her so happy and for that I can not thank her friend enough. This was much needed for her spirits and I believe with the good news and her childhood friends arrival she has gained strength and that she will prosper and watch me succeed.
Today, my mothers friend stated that I was a natural in front of the camera and that I had a wonderful, eloquent voice. Compliments are always much appreciated and I often have trouble accepting them. I suppose I am somewhat modest. It just gave me hope and I need that in my life right now. I often struggle with myself and want more than anything to be successful (at least what I deem to be successful) in my life. The struggle sometimes causes me to second guess or doubt myself, but I never expose this part of myself to others. I put on the "I can do anything" front. I don't feel after this visit I need to put up a front, because I know and must continue to remind myself that I am capable of what seems impossible currently.
I enjoyed the rain and today there were clear blue skies. Despite the clearness there were ripping winds that blew deep into my body. The coolness is not completely detested, but at this point it is not being welcomed into these ice cold arms. I want warmth back to feel my body alive again. I want to be able to sit outside listening to inspirational music, and write. I want to sit outside and just enjoy mother earth and she seems to be stubborn this spring season. Winter is still crawling somewhere in those bones and I just wish that she would shake it out. My reptile like body does not know how much more it can handle. My father and I had gelato the other day and it was delicious. Though I am almost certain that had it been warmer out the gelato would have been that much more refreshing. I prefer a good gelato to icecream or frozen custard any day. I guess one could argue because I have Italian genetics. I simply argue that it is because I think it looks so much more yummy and pretty!
Not sure what else to say today so I shall end it. I just want everyone to never give up when they are in doubt. As Shakespeare said despite chaos one should never doubt that there will be a happy ending. There will be a happy ending for those who construct it for themselves. Though I still struggle to make sense of the world and our existence I like to think that there are some explanations we can make for ourselves whether they be deemed correct or not. At times I wonder if my mind is more of a punishment, because it is constantly over analyzing just about everything. Questions and thoughts run through my mind at alarming rates that even I have to attempt to slow them down in fear of brain overload. At the same time I find my complex and overly active mind to be beautiful, because I desire and cherish every piece of knowledge that I can gain. This knowledge allows me to understand the world in ways I may not have previously been able to conceptualize. The end of the semester is upon me and I must attempt to set aside these thoughts for summer, otherwise I fear I shall never get all of my work done. I leave you with a beautiful and thoughtful quote said by one very inspirational lady.
"the future belongs to those who believe in
the beauty of their dreams."
-Eleanor Roosevelt.
<3
Alexis Zoe
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