People don't change; they just find new ways of lying to you.

I often see people together that I can't even fathom would ever link up. Where did these two souls meet and how ever did they seem to fall so deeply with one another? Then I stop and realize that it isn't always about the beauty on the outside, it isn't the conventional. It is simply the beauty that the other person is able to see. This beauty may not be visible to the world, and that could quite possibly be what makes it so wonderful. Though I long to feel beautiful to someone I'm starting to think that that "special" something isn't always just appearance. I often blame my looks on the reason I have such difficult, negative, and dramatic relationships that I can't seem to cut myself from. Those cords are being cut, because someone will see my beauty and it will radiate far more than anyone else's. I believe that we are all beautiful and I like to see the good in even the most horrid of people. I suppose that is why I end up so hurt and taken advantage of in the end, because I truly believe that there is still good left somewhere in everyone's heart.

As a complex thinker, I find that I attempt to logically explain everything in almost every respect. Even in relationships with friends, family, and romantic I attempt to explain what occurs in these relationships. Decipher why they are the way they are. Perhaps the fact that they can never really fully be explained is what makes them truly special. At any moment in your life you are capable of losing someone either physically, emotionally, or due to distance. These occurrences can sometimes be avoided, but not always. The unexplainable is always capable of creeping you up and just when you think you can explain things (remotely fully) everything seems to just become confused yet again. Life is an endless puzzle just challenging you to solve it. I have yet to solve my puzzle, and I'm not sure one is able to fully solve it. All I know is, that pieces will continue to fall into place and even if it is left unsolved the picture will end up beautiful if I make the parts I put together the beautiful picture.

It's 3:06am and I am finally feeling semi-healthy. It is exciting, but I still am not capable of eating very well. I've lost a significant amount of weight that I'm sure I will gain better once I'm fully recovered. Hopefully tomorrow I'm ready to dive into my Reese Peanut Butter Cups that my mother was gracious enough to buy me while I went grocery shopping with her. I have no remorse about pigging out this month or part of next months seeing as I rarely ever do it and we have to spoil ourselves sometimes otherwise we'd go utterly mad. Tonight put my mind more at ease, I had tea and dinner with my best friends and had some nice conversation. I realize I need to make a lot of changes in my life in order to really be satisfied. Waking up earlier and not going to bed in the wee hours of the night is one of them. Another is to clean, and actually keep clean, my room. I also want to begin spending more time with my family and helping more. I feel as though I've lacked the helping hand I once had. Granted I still do help quite a bit, but not as much as I nearly could. Tomorrow I'm going to see some movies I've been dying to see and just get as much done as humanly possible. No bars or shenanigans tomorrow just more adultesque type activities. Goodness I feel as though I'm an old person.

Overall, I'm completely happy with my life. Things could improvement, but then again when is there not room for improvement? That's what makes switching things up a bit that much more exciting =]. Have a lovely, chilly, and gloomy fall weekend Chicago!

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe

One day you'll realize that the fairytale might be slightly different then you dreamed.
The castle, well it may not be a castle.
And it's not so important to be happy ever after, just that it's happy right now.

P.S This song makes me happy to be alive.