I'm dreaming out loud.

Today is indescribable. I have had some time away from this blog and I find that I have oodles to share, yet I can't seem to formulate it all into text. I got another job that I am excited to begin, though I still would enjoy to find something more I am just happy that I will have money in my pocket. I find it is hard to live life fully without money and I utterly despise that. I do however enjoy looking professional! It makes me feel all powerful and sophisticated. I suppose I want to begin by discussing what we discussed in my class tonight. The professor showed us a documentary on the way in which women are portrayed in marketing. It sickened me, and I am no feminist. All the women (as I already know) are so fake in the media. It made me realize how much I care about my own body. It was said that women genetically aren't all able to be what models look like. The advertisements made fun of eating disorders and made women feel as though they are always imperfect and must do everything in their power to try to achieve this state of "perfection." Men expect this type of perfection out of women, and it's so depressing.

I want to be happy with my own body, but often times I don't feel as though I can. Not in this society at least. I ran 3 miles today, biked 2.5 miles, and lifted for 40 minutes. I've worked out so much in one day that I have become faint and actually ill from "over-doing" myself. I have found myself skipping meals, counting calories religiously, and even suffering from eating disorders myself. I don't believe I should have to do these things and should accept my body for what it is. No matter how much more I work it seems very difficult to get rid of the excess from being fat all those years. I want to believe that someone will love me for who I am and not just for my looks, but it's getting harder and harder to believe. I always believe in staying positive regardless, and I do believe that I am worth a lot more than people seem to treat me.

I've had a very busy schedule lately, and it seems as though it will only become more and more busy at time progresses. I actually had a few cool gigs lately, despite having to stay up for 26 hours straight I got to do some extra work which was super fun! I also had work, the 26 hour straight thing just about killed me and my cold turned from bad to worse. I ended up in bed all weekend and with no phone! My razor finally pooped out on me. It was first only severed and then my father got a hold of it and it became completely decapitated. I already miss it's bright pink self. This new phone I got I'm not too fond of! Well I suppose it requires some getting used to. I really want a touch phone, more specifically an iphone. I know it's a brand and not a big deal, but I would like something with a bunch of little fun applications. I'm sort of a techie so it makes sense that I want something such as the iphone. I also am wanting a flip so I can document funny moments in my life. I kind of wish they had sent me the green, because I prefer green, but the blue is a pretty blue. I suppose it's a boost from the razor, but I'm going to miss my razor. A lot of memories were in and with that phone.

So I am up late, yet again. I intend to wake up early tomorrow though and get a good work out in, clean my room, and finish up my reading. I really need to begin to get on top of things. I never seem to have free time anymore and it's frustrating me! I feel as though I'm falling behind and I can't allow this to happen.  "Storm tries to come, and wreck my world no I won't let it." That quote totally describes how I'm feeling right now. I feel like my life has become sort of a storm, but I'm not going to allow the storm to take over. I will fight through the storm and come to a sunny, beautiful day. I just have to fight harder and I know that I will succeed. Things work out for the best in the end, you juts have to have patience and believe. Never give up hoping, because the second you allow that hope to slip away you take a huge step back and just end up in a tornado.

I have so much fallesque stuff I want to still embody myself in. I already painted my nails a lovely dark purple color to match the fall. I still want to do some baking. I think I'll go to the store tomorrow and pick up some baking goods and bake cookies or muffins for my class on Wednesday. Or maybe I'll save it for next Wednesday seeing as I have oh so much to do tomorrow! I also want to make some apple and pumpkin pies! Oh I'm totally excited, and Galena is only one month away! Oh and Where the Wild Things are comes out this Friday and I could not be any more ecstatic for that film! Love it. This post is semi delirious since I am exhausted. I promise a more normal, cohesive post to come in the near future. My dear friend Eugene just seemed to be missing my blog postings, which actually makes me feel special! Goodnight friends.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe

Amazing song btw.