Such Work Does Not Seek Universal Knowledge.

"But rather attempts to deepen our sense of what it means to understand (or misunderstand) other humans qua members of communication communities" (Mumby 7).

I have not had the time nor the motivation to write a blog in a while. I suppose it's because I can assume that most people aren't even going to ever read it. I feel compelled to write today. I feel as though I need to release some of the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my mind. My graduate program is fantastic. I have never been felt more intellectually satisfied or as welcome as I do there. Everything is falling into pieces and this sense of belonging has led me to believe that obtaining the PhD will be the right move for me. I love academia and it's complex, dense work. I strive to one day create such work.

As much as school satisfies me I still feel this sense of loneliness. I have wonderful friends who surround me almost every chance that I have free. I am forever grateful for both; however, I do wish that I had someone who accepted me for who I am and loved me for what I am. Alexis Waters is a girl who is deep rooted tied very much to being outside and doing things that are not the norm. I take pride in not catering to what the supposed definition of "normalcy" is. Granted, people could argue that this would just mean I was an anarchist of normalcy, I intend to defend myself and say that I am not. I believe in being who I am. Whoever that may really be, we can't entirely be sure of the exact being we are for we are constantly being influenced, altered, and manipulated by others. However, we do develop a sense of "beliefs" and "passions" in life and we must stick by those regardless of how others perceive them.

I can not wait until fall is hitting us hard. That is the time in my life were reflection and thought are most active and make me the happiest. We live through the most beautiful death in the entire world. Or at least those of us who have season changes do. Though I love the fall and can appreciate the demise of summer I always seem to be alone during this time of year. This is the time where I would most like to have somebody so that I could drag them on my excursions, such as dragging the person to apple pick with me far off in the middle of nowhere. On the way up we drink coca-cola out of the glass bottles, stop at look at little antiques, pick hundreds of apples, and then wait until night falls to gaze at the stars and have deep philosophical conversations. I want someone to then take those apples and cook pies and applesauce with me. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking alone. If I didn't I wouldn't make hundreds of cookies for each holiday; however, cooking can be a lot more exciting with the company of another.

I want to be able to go pumpkin picking and carve silly faces on pumpkins that are later laughed about towards the end of the season. To dress up in silly costumes based on inside jokes. I dream of going out camping and fishing and looking into the sunset and just feeling another persons warmth next to me. Enjoying that sensation that we have grown to love and know for the entirety of our lives. I suppose I should not let these thoughts overpower my appreciate for things in life, because I do appreciate the tiny things in life whether I must experience them alone, with a friend, or significant other. I suppose I just wonder when I will find someone to at least give me those experiences.

Fall is beautiful, thought is tremendous, love is desired, passion is alive, and all the possibilities life have to offer are endless. I truly believe that we have the capabilities to do whatever we put our minds to doing. It takes a sense of will and dedication. I am dedicated to the world of research and could not be more ecstatic that I have found my deep rooted passion. Though I know what I would like to do with my life, I still feel the need to find a job which seems awfully difficult in this economy. I have not given up, nor do I intend to. It does get a tad bit discouraging, but I am continuing to push forward. I guess my message is push forward, despite how much your mind wanders. Although I would like to find someone special in my life during this time, I am living for myself. I am following what I want and not allowing it to overtake my daily routines, and my dreams in life.

Your dreams will never leave you. People may come in and out of your life, but at the end of the day you have those dreams and passions and you can never let go of them. The best time in life to really strive for your dreams is when you have been knocked down. It gives you the strength to move on and get over the scars and scrapes left behind by the war you battled. Don't let your dreams die or passions. Live for you and that will be what makes you the most happy in the end.

As Morrie was quoted in Tuesdays with Morrie "We must learn to die, before we can live." I follow my life by this simple quote. When you think of the horrors of death or negative things, you realize all that you do have to live for and that you can not take life too seriously.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe