No Hope, No Love, No Glory, No Happy Ending.

Mika's music is fabulous! Seriously, his lyrics are so heartfelt and easy to relate to. Onto the blog, I was lazy and super busy so I skipped a day of posting. Of course, I skip the day after my wonderful Communications Theory course. That is probably the most satisfying course in the history of courses. In essence, our book Speaking Into the Air describes effective communications as impossible. Peters, explains that miscommunication is actually essential to communication. When you think about it he is absolutely correct if we all could communicate perfectly we would have no real reason to communicate, because we would already understand one another. I just find this program to be so fascinating. Every time I'm able to express myself intellectually I enjoy it. I feel as though thinking has become "illegal" in this day and age. People seem so consumed with their materialistic things and getting on top that they have forgotten what a wonderful thing the mind and literature is. Topics of discussion for us girls whilst going out is not the meaning of life, but of boys and our problems. When out with my guy friends they seem consumed with talking about generally the same thing. It's a sad thing to be looked at as though I'm an idiot for wanting to discuss more deep, complex topics (there's an oxymoron for you!).

In other news, things seem to have been shaping up for me. I'm not going to jinx myself, because I still am not sure if I have obtained the opportunities that have been presented to me. I feel privileged to even have been presented with such wonderful opportunities lately and it has caused me to have a more optimistic view on life in general. I've realized that despite my loneliness at times that I don't really feel lost without someone. In the past, I have always seemed to want someone and felt as though things would be drastically better if I had that "ideal" love. However, I am seeing how wonderful life can be and that despite my past insecurities I am able to obtain so much alone. I don't need that reassurance of how wonderful I am, because I know that I am. I work hard to achieve what I want to and I know once this economies bad cycle is done that I will prosper so much. Possibilities are endless despite how limited one may feel. You can essentially do whatever you want if you work hard enough at it. I hope to do more than just be a professor and write research. I want to do things to better this world and intend to accomplish all of my goals.

This semester has also lacked procrastination thus far. If any of you know me, I do take heavy loads in school and tend to wait until the last minute. I become an insomniac, living off of coffee in order to finish all of my work and somehow pull it off with decent grades. This semester I have been reading in advance and doing in advance. I find that I do better work and feel a lot better! I'm halfway finished with my paper due on Monday when I would usually be up until 6 am writing a paper and going to school on only a few hours of sleep. This paper is actually fascinating me. I'm writing about the Iraqi War and whether journalism is even objective anymore. It's fun, but I won't bore you with. I'll leave that for the actual paper.

I will close by saying life is beautiful.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe

Say Goodbye, To The World You Thought You Lived In.

Today was a glorious day. I say that because it was essentially productive, despite the fact that I am still awake at 4:15 am and should be in bed. Soon enough, I feel the need to release my thoughts before retiring to my comfortable, lavender smelling bed. The day began with me awaking way past the time I wanted to putting me in a very "I'm disappointed in myself yet again!" state. That state turned me bitter and landed me eating a bean burrito I concocted with beans, cheese, sour cream, and tortilla. After downing my yummy tasting treat I became even more disappointed in myself for eating so unhealthily and decided to do something good to counter my bad eating. I walked briskly to my sanctuary aka the gym, where I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes and lifted for almost an hour and a half. After this I felt satisfied, but still disappointed in what I had eaten early.

I must say that twitter has become an enemy of mine. I have been in and out of a relationship with twitter for a while now. At times I go back and update my status every 3 seconds (yes I suppose you could give me the "clingy girlfriend" stereotype when it comes to twitter), other times I become completely disinterested in this social networking tool, because none of my real close friends seem to have it and no one @ replies me for days only to leave me sad and feeling lonely in the end. Lately, I have been back to the clingy girlfriend stage. Today made me want to go back to leaving twitter though, because it seemed that everyone on twitter posted how in love they were with the pumpkin spice latte, and they proceeded to not only describe it's pure greatness, but also leave a picture. I continued to argue with myself "No, you already had that burrito today. If you drink this pumpkin spice latte you will go overboard!" The other half of course was pleading, "but you already ran 3 miles. That's a good workout. You burned off the latte so it would be like you just never worked out."

Who won the battle? Well of course the deviant side did and I got that latte and it was damn good. One of my favorite parts of fall is the pumpkin spice latte. I do miss the salted caramel hot chocolate, but the pumpkin spice latte is just as good. Plus it was the first day officially of fall, I figured might as well celebrate! I wasn't celebrating tonight when I got on the scale to see I gained not one, but two lbs. Looks like I'll be eating cucumbers, salad, and running tomorrow and thursday. Oy vay. The good side to getting the calories was that I also saw the pumpkins out and ready for fall! I had to purchase myself a little 69 cent white pumpkin for my room even though I have several pumpkins on display already. I'm such a geek! I totally love decorating for various holidays. Not only do I decorate my bathroom with fallesque soaps and make my room have the feel of autumn, but I also use pumpkin smelling lotions, body washes, and have my room smelling of the spices of fall. Lame I know, oh well. It really gets you in the mood to read some great books such as Speaking Into Air! One of the greatest communication books I have had the privilege of reading. My masters program just continues to get more and more intriguing. Oh and for those of you who didn't get it by the picture. That is my pumpkin that I got today. Isn't it just the most adorable little pumpkin you've ever laid eyes on? I swear I have been such a photographer lately, but I find it so fun to take photos and share them. It definitely spices up the blog posts for sure. Plus I feel that people are more visual so you get to see what I saw/see! Through lenses of course.

Well it is past 4:30 and it is time for this girl to finally hit the bed. I have tons to do tomorrow. Have to send out a ton of resumes/cover letters. Want to read some books I've been aching to read for a while, but haven't had the opportunity too and I promised myself a good workout. These things can not be accomplished if I wake up when class starts! Can not wait until I discuss tomorrow in Communication Theory. I'm such a nerd sometimes. Seriously.

Sleep tight for those of you who actually read my blog!

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe.

Stop and Stare.

"I think I'm moving, but I go no where. I know that everyone gets scared. I've become what I can't be. Stop and stare. You stop to wonder why you're here not there. And you'd give anything to get whats fair, but fair ain't what you really need. Oh can you see what I see?"

Oh One Republic, how I have forgotten the beauty of your music. One thing I seem to have let fade away, and forgot the beauty of is Classical musical. Just instrumental music in general. I mean don't get my wrong I love classic rock, rock, indie, just about everything thing in either large or small quantities, but I forgot the power of an instrument. It really is one of the most beautiful experiences your ears can go through. Thank you instrumentalists for helping create the beautiful music we hear on a daily basis and take for granted.

So today was an interesting day. I had a lovely day out with my father. We purchased a printer so that I could kill even more trees printing out my reading assignments for my masters. I am all about going green and saving the earth, but it is near impossible in a masters. It is just too difficult to read something off of a computer screen and fully grasp the concepts. I find that I am the type who needs to highlight in pretty colors and write little side notes to myself for later purposes. After purchasing a new printer that will actually print straight and not slanted. This new printer is a sleek, black lexmark. It is a 5 in one, it makes copies, faxes things, prints pictures fast, prints on a computer, and scans. It is the most cheap versatile printer I have ever crossed in my life. Let's hope it actually works decently. My dad asked if I'd be interested in having a coffee with him. Of course I said yes! I'm not one to reject an offer of coffee. I love both tea and coffee, but grew up on coffee so I tend to be a bit biased towards coffee. Shockingly we went to Starbucks, and I did not choose the usual pumpkin spice during fall. Instead, I had them add caramel sauce and syrup to hot chocolate. It was delightful, though I still miss the Salted Caramel hot chocolate they had last fall. I really wish they'd bring it back, because it was the most delightful hot chocolate I've ever tasted! Mmm. You scrumtious little devil! I always dislike the fact that everything good always seems to have the most calories. It just doesn't seem to be fair! I do enjoy fruits and vegetables though. The colors always get to me they are so vibrant and it makes them yummier to me. I suppose being a vegetarian helps the cause. I hope to start cooking and perhaps trying some vegan yum yum recipes. For those of you who don't know this wonderful blogger, she creates the most delicious looking recipes (I'm sure they taste delicious as well.) Google or Bing her, whichever is your search engine of choice.

Speaking of delicious tonight was my first time ever going to eat some yummy fondue. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed my experience. It helped that I had good company as well. For those of you who have not had the privilege of trying fondue I highly suggest it! And for those of you in Chicago you should check out Geja's, especially if you're looking for a romantic getaway. It's a nice dark, elegant atmosphere illuminated by candlelight. We ordered some Pinot Nior red wine and had the chocolate fondue. Fruit and chocolate are pretty much the most lovely combination in the history of man. Not to mention that toasted marshmallows are a nice touch as well. Wine, fondue, and intellectual conversation now that is what I consider the life. I had a wonderful night and can not wait until this weekend when I have great times with my friends. Rush and Division is the most fun area despite the endless amounts of jerks who hit on you. Probably going to the Kit Kat Club with Matthew and a few friends. I've encountered transvestites in my day, but going to view them on my own free will, now that will be an interesting night. Well life is about experiences, and I intend to experience as much as I can before I'm limited.

My room smells like autumn. It is making me feel like a child again, and I can't wait to rake up leaves and jump in them. I don't care how childish that sounds I am going to enjoy my favorite season! Tomorrow (well today at this hour) is the autumn equinox. So it is technically fall finally! Summer will be missed, especially since the heat seemed to have passed over Chicago and went else ware this year. I have oodles to do tonight and tomorrow in order to get fully prepared for my courses these next two days. I'm fully prepared; however, I find that there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to satisfy my needs. Oh and I totally need a job so if anyone has any leads please please please let me know because I am wanting to finally obtain my love (the 3g Iphone of course). If I don't find employment soon I am afraid I will miss out on being united with my love. I wish the Iphone plan wasn't so darn expensive. Oh and I also need a new laptop! Mine is just not doing it's job as well anymore. It's getting a bit old and I have oh so much to write! I really need to get started on finding things to research and actually working on my novel! I have so many plans and I need to start going through with them. At least I have my blog going. I promised myself I'd keep up and I have been successful thus far! Let's hope this keeps up....

One last request, if anyone knows how to view who's following you on here or how to fix my comments? I'm computer savvy, but I'm afraid I'm not blog savvy. I really would like to know who is following me and how I can keep my layout being able to view this as well as have people comment! I find the most crazy feeling to be missing someone you've never met, but can't seem to get out of your mind. It's crazy how our minds totally disregard logic when the heart feels a certain way. Hope you all had a wonderful Monday and welcome Tuesday. Just 3 more days until the weekend. =] Keep your heads up!

So true!

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe

P.S. Do something good for someone tomorrow. It will make you feel good! Trust me!

It ain't over, till it's over.

What a wonderfully successful day. I spent a great deal of time in what I consider my "sanctuary". I'll have you all know that my I do have other places I enjoy to go to get my mind off of the daily complications; however, I find the gym to be simply perfection. I finally got myself to go to the gym after procrastinating for a couple of hours. Once I arrived I immediately felt completely thrilled with my decision to force myself to go. I feel as though the gym is a place which people tend to dread going, simply because they know that they are going to work their bodies and initially that can be quite a turn off. When I think about working out I often say "I can't imagine having to go through all of that pain while working out!" Once I actually commence my workout I can't imagine not having done it. I used to be huge into the stationary bikes and elliptical machines. I've since moved on and have fallen in love with running, especially during storms. There's something serene and beautiful about running whilst hearing the pitter patter of the rain drops and thunder roaring through the sky. I typically stop running at about 2.5 miles and try to walk for a bit more. Sometimes, I feel more determined and more into the workout so I'll go the full 3 miles. Today was one of those days. It felt fantastic to run the three miles. I'm proud of myself, my first mile took about 9 minutes, the second about 11, and the final mile 12.5 ish. I've come a long way since I first began working out. The calories section stated that I burned about 400 calories. I totally needed that today! I picked out on tons of vegetables, matzah, and had a few chocolates so it was a much needed! I'm still energetic from the gym, but was able to take some of that energy and put it towards none other than cleaning my silly little room. It always seems like after I work out I become more productive than if I just sit glaring at my computer screen, looking up pointless information on wikipedia. My room looks remarkable compared to earlier! I mean if you put my room on a makeover show that's how crazy the transformation was!
As you can see it looks so much more peaceful. My mind has been put at ease as well as my body. That combination has got to be one of the best a person can experience in one day. That leads me to come to the reasonable conclusion that today has been a wonderful day. My room not only is looking smashing I might say, but it is also smelling wonderful. Seeing as I've already got my fall fragrances out my room is smelling of autumn leaves, with a hint of pecan pie. It is making me even more antsy for fall to come knocking on my door. I look forward to see the transformation, well because of my location. When we moved to the apartment we were lucky enough to not only get a view of the most beautiful city in the world (also known as Chicago), but we also got a view of the forest preserve right next door. I was blessed to get the best of both worlds, which is a rarity. It is now almost 3:00am here in Chicago, and I should really be getting to bed. Despite my urges to sleep, I am going to continue to keep my eyes wide awake in order to read some complex and dense reading. One may find this to be absolutely miserable and grueling, I on the other hand could not be any more excited to end my night. So instead of jipping you entirely of a nice thought out entry I will leave you with some amusing pictures of myself before I ran off and got all sweaty to the gym. I must say, I look awfully silly in workout cloths. Definitely not planning on meeting any hotties at the gym.

I just had to put one where I looked utterly miserable/terrible
and another picture where I looked snazzy and pretty. I'm not going to degrade myself entirely in a single post! Hope you all enjoyed. I'm off to read now, and hopefully I'll update tomorrow! I have tons to do before class. Workout, get more reading done, and then I'm off to class and going for Fondue! Totally excited for that. Hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe <3

Happy Holidays.

"L'Shana Tova," we exclaim to our fellow Jewish loved ones. It is a time for peace, happiness, and prosperity in the Jewish faith. Our New Year signifies a new beginning just as any New Year would. I'm ecstatic about this New Year, because I intend to learn even more about my faith. I believe that as I have grown and the more I've experienced the more I find myself more attached with my religious background. Words can not even begin to express my excitement to go on Birthright this summer and educate myself further. Not only do I plan on learning more about my religion this year, but I also hope to better myself in general. I know that I am a wonderful person, but there is always room for improvement and I intend to improve. One of the main things that disgusts me about myself is my inability to keep my room to a certain degree of cleanliness. I suppose I use the "I'm a writer, we work more efficiently in states of chaos" far too often. In all honesty, I dislike how my room seems to become chaotic only a few days after I've successfully made it a tad bit more organized. I'm actually a very organized person in almost every respect, and long to have a room that fits this personality trait that I use both in school and work environments. I have a few pictures of my current rooms status that I shall share with you all, but please do not fear too much. I hope to have it fully cleaned by tonight, and if that fails then tomorrow at the latest.

The holidays were fabulous. I always enjoy any sort of Holiday because it gives you an opportunity to bond with your family. Those are some of the times that I appreciate the most in life. They are also the fondest memories that I have. With the holidays comes a lot of various different yummy foods. I adore cooking so cooking for the holidays doesn't frighten me in the least bit, and despite my vegetarianism I do not object to cooking meat dishes for the family. It is my to my displeasure that I actually have gained 5lbs from this years Rosh Hashanah. I suppose because of my stomach disorder, the weight is just food still sitting in my tummy just waiting to be processed. Either way, I'm hitting the gym tonight at least for a couple hours. Monday, I shall be back on target and running and sweating away all the little annoying fat cells. I hope to lose 30-40lbs by the end of this year. If it happens, it happens. If not I'm done beating myself up about my weight. I know that I am healthy and that is what truly matters. Besides, it's not just the exterior that makes a person truly beautiful. It is the person inside that creates the ultimate package. The one thing I did recognize is my love for Matzah. I decided to add tomato with some other toppings. I actually tried various different toppings on the Matzah and discovered how delicious Matzah is! It is also wonderful when one is sick as well. It's the cure for just about everything! Part of my hope for myself in this New Year is to just overall stay away from bad foods. I in general do that now, but I really want to become more strict. I feel like that may be the ultimate way I shed the pounds. I also intend to actually create some lovely research and start submitting it. I'm not sure where to begin, because there seems to be so many calls for things and I find myself lost in utter confusion! I suppose I must begin to inquire at my University that I am hoping to attempt a shot at being published. On top of writing research, I really want to finish my fictional novel and be employed by October. I know that October is approaching rapidly, but I have high hopes and faith in myself. This economy will not discourage me, I have a lot to offer and someone will see that in me! Overall, this holiday weekend has been absolutely lovely. I was in good company, ate lots of yummy food, and discovered even more how much I am in love with being Jewish. L'Shana Tova.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe.

PS. Last FM is just about the greatest for discovering new music mhm. Pretty much <3

PPS. Love life! It's too short to stay bitter.

Such Work Does Not Seek Universal Knowledge.

"But rather attempts to deepen our sense of what it means to understand (or misunderstand) other humans qua members of communication communities" (Mumby 7).

I have not had the time nor the motivation to write a blog in a while. I suppose it's because I can assume that most people aren't even going to ever read it. I feel compelled to write today. I feel as though I need to release some of the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my mind. My graduate program is fantastic. I have never been felt more intellectually satisfied or as welcome as I do there. Everything is falling into pieces and this sense of belonging has led me to believe that obtaining the PhD will be the right move for me. I love academia and it's complex, dense work. I strive to one day create such work.

As much as school satisfies me I still feel this sense of loneliness. I have wonderful friends who surround me almost every chance that I have free. I am forever grateful for both; however, I do wish that I had someone who accepted me for who I am and loved me for what I am. Alexis Waters is a girl who is deep rooted tied very much to being outside and doing things that are not the norm. I take pride in not catering to what the supposed definition of "normalcy" is. Granted, people could argue that this would just mean I was an anarchist of normalcy, I intend to defend myself and say that I am not. I believe in being who I am. Whoever that may really be, we can't entirely be sure of the exact being we are for we are constantly being influenced, altered, and manipulated by others. However, we do develop a sense of "beliefs" and "passions" in life and we must stick by those regardless of how others perceive them.

I can not wait until fall is hitting us hard. That is the time in my life were reflection and thought are most active and make me the happiest. We live through the most beautiful death in the entire world. Or at least those of us who have season changes do. Though I love the fall and can appreciate the demise of summer I always seem to be alone during this time of year. This is the time where I would most like to have somebody so that I could drag them on my excursions, such as dragging the person to apple pick with me far off in the middle of nowhere. On the way up we drink coca-cola out of the glass bottles, stop at look at little antiques, pick hundreds of apples, and then wait until night falls to gaze at the stars and have deep philosophical conversations. I want someone to then take those apples and cook pies and applesauce with me. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking alone. If I didn't I wouldn't make hundreds of cookies for each holiday; however, cooking can be a lot more exciting with the company of another.

I want to be able to go pumpkin picking and carve silly faces on pumpkins that are later laughed about towards the end of the season. To dress up in silly costumes based on inside jokes. I dream of going out camping and fishing and looking into the sunset and just feeling another persons warmth next to me. Enjoying that sensation that we have grown to love and know for the entirety of our lives. I suppose I should not let these thoughts overpower my appreciate for things in life, because I do appreciate the tiny things in life whether I must experience them alone, with a friend, or significant other. I suppose I just wonder when I will find someone to at least give me those experiences.

Fall is beautiful, thought is tremendous, love is desired, passion is alive, and all the possibilities life have to offer are endless. I truly believe that we have the capabilities to do whatever we put our minds to doing. It takes a sense of will and dedication. I am dedicated to the world of research and could not be more ecstatic that I have found my deep rooted passion. Though I know what I would like to do with my life, I still feel the need to find a job which seems awfully difficult in this economy. I have not given up, nor do I intend to. It does get a tad bit discouraging, but I am continuing to push forward. I guess my message is push forward, despite how much your mind wanders. Although I would like to find someone special in my life during this time, I am living for myself. I am following what I want and not allowing it to overtake my daily routines, and my dreams in life.

Your dreams will never leave you. People may come in and out of your life, but at the end of the day you have those dreams and passions and you can never let go of them. The best time in life to really strive for your dreams is when you have been knocked down. It gives you the strength to move on and get over the scars and scrapes left behind by the war you battled. Don't let your dreams die or passions. Live for you and that will be what makes you the most happy in the end.

As Morrie was quoted in Tuesdays with Morrie "We must learn to die, before we can live." I follow my life by this simple quote. When you think of the horrors of death or negative things, you realize all that you do have to live for and that you can not take life too seriously.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe