This year I was born on a Sunday

So as facebook happily announces and most of you know my  birthday is coming up this Sunday. Honestly, this year I wasn't too excited for it because I knew that most of the people in my life were too busy to celebrate with me. Recently, I got in touch with an old friend whom I will admit I treated poorly in the past and did not appreciate until recently. She practically forced me to go to birthday dinner with me and insisted that it was important I go out with friends for dinner. We went to Red Robin and I downed the freckled lemonade that they serve. It was so delicious and refreshing and I had been dehydrated the entire day! She also got me a couple pieces of jewelry that I adore! It was so thoughtful and nearly put me in tears, that was when she had them sing Happy Birthday to me. I lost it and couldn't help but thanking her a trillion times. To me gifts are not important on a birthday it is the thought that is put into it. It's the effort that shows who cares and is happy that you are actually alive. It's a celebration of your life and why wouldn't you want to celebrate your birthday?

Last year my birthday was honestly dreadful. The reason was because I allowed somebody to ruin my birthday. The person who ruined it did a lot of nice, fancy things for me and ended up yelling at me while I was spending time with my mother. I was so upset about being yelled at that I let it ruin my mom and my time together. This year I went in my mothers room and saw a bunch of presents waiting for me and she informed me that we would be sitting in my favorite booth at Hackneys for dinner. Again I felt this eminent gratefulness overcome me. My mother has always made my birthday special and made me feel happy that I am alive. She has always done sweet things for me like making me a pink card herself with glitter on it saying "To my Princess" and throwing my a surprise party when I was about 10. It were those little things that made them so special and the things I will remember. Now that I look back on last year I feel silly for letting my mother and my time be destroyed by someone who clearly did not care for me. Did not appreciate to have me in their life.

My friends this year have sort of disappointed me. I can't deny that I don't really feel as appreciated as I used to feel. They are either out of town or made plans regardless of me saying I was thinking of doing something. I have learned that life is about disappointment and that you will have people who do not put in as much effort as you do. I have always put in more effort and been super thoughtful. I have always been there for people in their lowest points in life and have tried so hard to make everyone as happy as possible even if it meant I'd have to sacrifice some of my own. My mother always told me not to be so nice, because nobody is going to be as nice as me and will eventually take advantage of that. I suppose in the end she was right and I am tired of putting in so much effort. When my mother got ill it was an extremely difficult time for me. It continues to be a difficult thing for me to deal with. My family has always been my everything and this illness has left us in shambles. People can't really understand unless they are in the same situation and I understand that, but having someone to talk to then and again about it would be nice. Having someone ask me how things were going in my life would be okay.

In the end people are selfish and want what is best for themselves. I have always put others before myself, because that is just the person I am. I want to help, I want to be there, I want to show that I do care. People don't realize that it really doesn't take much effort to show you care for someone. It takes something so small like a phone call, keeping promises, doing something sweet, complimenting, anything really. If we all did something and put in a small effort to show we do care then there would be a lot less sadness in this world. Struggle would be made a bit easier to cope with. Until we see how much we can do for somebody by just doing something simple we will live in a world that progressively becomes more and more self centered.

People always think that because I am so into my birthday that I am a bit self centered. They think becoming another year older is more of a burden then it is beautiful. Once you become a certain age people don't celebrate your birthday quite the same. I'm not saying I want to have a huge party with all my friends in some playground, no that is not what I want. The reason I celebrate my birthday and enjoy getting sweet, little thoughtful things is because I see my birthday as a celebration of my life. It is a reminder that I am lucky to be alive and that I am a miracle sent down from g-d. Each person is a little miracle and a birthday reminds you how special you are to people. You should celebrate how many years you have been blessed to be on this Earth. Some people don't make it to 22 and that crosses my mind. I have witnessed a girl my age die of cancer. I tried so hard to help a girl who ended up committing suicide at 19. I have heard horror stories of  young people dying in car wrecks, from drug overdoses, suicide, murder, and cancer. They are not here, they never got to see their 22nd birthday. They never got to experience marriage or starting a family of their own, graduating college, enjoying a summer vacation with friends or family, and they never got to celebrate their 22nd birthday. I get to see 22. I get to enjoy this summer with my family and friends, I graduated college and I am in my masters. I appreciate my life and I celebrate every year that I am here, because I am lucky to be able to experience what life has to offer.

I celebrate everyday not just my birthday, but I feel as though my birthday shows who wants to celebrate my life alongside me. I'm getting choked up writing this, but I just can't explain how I feel about life. I can't thank the lord enough for all that he has blessed me with and all the experiences I have had. How grateful I am that he gave me a father who is willing to listen to my rants and go fishing with me in the early morning rain (which I will be doing in about an hour and a half!). That he has given me a mother who always showers me with love every day of my life and cares about me more than anyone ever will. That I have a brother who if I really needed to talk to he would be there for me. My one real friend that only wants the best for me and talks me out of such silly things. That I have a boyfriend who is loyal and treats me right.

When I think about all the past birthdays that I've had and how much love I have been given on them I can't help but appreciate my life. It gives me hope that there are people who do remember me and who do care and who will put in as much effort as I do for them. It makes me believe that there is good in my life and reminds me of how much I have. I've had a lot of bad things happen in my life. I've experienced abuse, had people I love taken from me (practically my entire family), suffered with my self image, been bullied, had bad relationships, and watched somebody I love so dearly fight the biggest battle of her life, but I am still alive. I have lived to tell my story. I have pushed through all of the hard times and grown as a person and this birthday is a big one for me because I have pushed through some of the toughest times of my life. Last year I can honestly say was the worst year of my life, but that is why I have that much more to celebrate about. I am here to help others celebrate their life and be grateful despite all the bad things that may surround them. I just want to thank the lord for all that I am blessed with. I want to thank him for giving me my Mommy, Daddy, Brother, Johnny, Jackie, and everyone else who has done what they have for me. Celebrate life and never forget how precious your life is. We are all miracles in our own way. =]

Celebrate your life!

<3 always and forever,
Alexis Zoe