What makes you think I enjoy being led to the flood?

Recently I went to Milwaukee and on my trip up there I looked at the lake. The skies were gray, preparing for the eminent snow approaching. The sky was a deep blue and the waves were tremendous.The weekend after I was in Milwaukee I went down to Navy Pier and looked at the lake from a different angle. It was still the same deep, rich blue that it was in Milwaukee but there was something different. The lake almost looked like a sapphire with tiny waves attempting to grow. The sky was still filled with gray clouds, but the skyline made the clouds appear as a backdrop. Lake Michigan is the same in both Milwaukee and Chicago, but the experience is entirely different between the two. Both are beautiful and both are as vast as an ocean. Both remind me how precious life is and how even though we are experiencing things differently from where we are in life we still have this one life. We are presented with the opportunity to live life from different angles and are able to enhance ourselves. On the train ride home today from Wicker Park I did a lot of thinking. I know, I never think this may come as a surprise to you, but in all seriousness I realize how wonderful of a person I am. I now understand what is important to me and I feel as though I have this newfound understanding of myself.

My mother has taught me a lot about myself and has really put into perspective what is important. This holiday season was one of the best. I think I appreciated it a lot more than previous years. It was difficult, because I know my holidays are limited the way they are. I am starting to accept the fact that I'm going to have to deal with the hardest thing in my entire life. I recognize the fact that I will most likely have to deal with it alone and that no one in my life understands what I am going through right now. With all of this being said I have also accepted that I am comfortable with this. I used to really get upset over such petty stuff. Things always got to me and I became so sensitive. As I've lived through a lot these recent months I have learned that I am stronger than I think and that it is okay to cry. I have learned that I am not perfect and it is okay to make mistakes and that beating myself up about it is pointless. Failure is okay and healthy. If we do not fail we do know appreciate what we gain as much and I no longer feel the need to strive for perfection. I'm just Lexy. I'm imperfect, but so is everyone else in the world. Our imperfections separate us from others and can be the most beautiful part of who we are.

I am emotional, but sweet. I procrastinate when I am involved with someone in life and realize that I have to put myself before anyone else, but my family. I am in love with my parents and I don't care who doesn't like them because they are my life. I can be insecure and am constantly trying to improve myself. I think my insecurities are a good thing, because they keep me in check. If I fall in love with someone they become my light. I will treat them like royalty, but if they do my wrong I will never give them a second chance. I am so into anything vintage, because I love the history it holds. Plus I think I look slightly more adorable when incorporating vintage into my wardrobe. My most cherished moments are the spontaneous memories I make with people. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or crazy, just being excited to be alive with someone and enjoying living. I analyze everything in life, not because I'm neurotic, but because I love thinking. The more analysis I do and the more I attempt to understand the better understanding of a person I feel I become. All I want in my life is others happiness, but I have learned that you can't sacrifice your own. My dream in life is to find someone who understands me and wants to adventure and live with me. I have so much life and curiosity and I want to experience the world with someone who can enjoy my tastes. Sometimes I'm not the best friend, but I love my friends more than they could ever imagine.

I am a dreamer. I live big. I believe that we have to fight for what we believe in and always be ourselves. I am starting to be more comfortable with myself and have realized that all the negative that happened in 2010 will be replaced by positive in 2011. I have so many goals for myself and I know that with hard work and more will power I can achieve them. I survived a semester of 2 jobs, work, completing a very very very rough draft of my thesis, and applied to PhD programs. I also was able to travel and see a lot of great sites this year. What does this mean for 2011? More traveling in my future, more writing, more running, more caring about me. This year is for Alexis and will not be lived for someone else. I lived for someone else and I realize how terribly mistaken I was. We so easily forget what's important to us when we get distracted, but I know this year is about sticking to my guns. It's about being who  I am and loving the life I live. This year I pray for my family, the poor people, and the world. I pray for the hundreds of men and women fighting and the women who fall victim to violence. I pray that I will have the strength to better myself and that I will find what I'm searching for when least expected.

I love you all so much. Never forget what is important in life, because that same thing could just as easily be taken from you. Keep my family in your prayers.

Sincerely,
Alexis Zoe