2013

"There are a thousand excuses for failure, but never a good reason."-Mark Twain

I live by this motto in life. I truly believe that we just accept failure, but don't really have a reason why we failed. Why did (in my eyes) fail my therapy class. There are countless variables, but in the end I have no real reason. I could blame the instructor, the inability to grasp some of the concepts, or even blame myself for taking the class in the first place. There is no real reason, only excuses. This year is not about excuses, but coming up with a substantial reason why I don't achieve all that I want to this year. I feel that in order to grow as a person we must continue to set goals for ourselves. These goals should not hinder growth, but expand it. Last year, I feel I didn't grow substantially as a person. I have sacrificed a big piece of who I am and my goal this year is to retrieve those pieces and put them back together.

Who am I? This is a question that has lingered in my mind since I was young. I have yearned to figure out exactly who I am and where I want to be. These years have progressively shifted who I am, but I have always had a base I continue to go back to. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, and now fiance. That is my base and having those roles dictates some of the things I believe I must do to fulfill each of those roles. At times my roles conflict, which creates tension on the fiber of my being. I do know that I want to succeed and I want a partner who stands by my side throughout it all. My biggest goal is to have my voice heard. These years have made it challenging to express how I feel in situations. I have done well at expressing myself in 2012, but want to continue to learn knew ways to successfully express who I am.

I don't want to entirely dismiss 2012 as being a year of no growth. I learned quite a bit about myself, but also learned how to better cope with the loss of my mother. I traveled abroad to Israel, which was the most incredible 10 days of my life. I not only got to go to Disney World, but also got propose to at Epcot by my best friend. I have never met such an incredible person, who has the ability to keep me happy. We play video games together and have so many inside jokes. Brandon has helped me more than he could ever know. He has helped me grow this year, by helping me cope with the loss of my mother. He continues to provide me with support even when I'm being emotionally irrational. I always dreamed up someone who would be perfect with me, that I could be myself around. I have met that person and feel complete. Every time I see him I can't help but smile, and I still get butterflies when we kiss. Brandon also gives me the best advice and truly wants my happiness. I don't think that I could have gotten through all I have without him and now I never have to!  He came with me for Christmas this year, which meant the world. I got to share him and my family in one place. It was a dream come true.  I met new people and new opportunities presented to me, in which I am grateful for. 2012 will be hard to top as far as experiences, but as far as personal growth I feel 2013 will yield more of this. I look forward to the new year, and a new beginning. As always I have compiled a list of things I would be happy happened in 2013.

-Get my pre-prospectus done in the summer.
-Study for and pass my comprehensive exams.
-Go on more adventures
-Do some additional traveling.
-Get back to working out how I once did. (Hoping to lose 40 lbs)
-Be completely planned and set for the wedding in 2014.
-Re-organize the apartment
-Donate and sell more things I don't need.
-Do more baking.
-Learn new recipes
-Try to sign up for a class at the gym.
-Visit my family more often.
-Create a budget that works
-Eat fast food less.
-Say no to less opportunities.
-Make some friends here.
-Go swimming all summer long!
-Try new things that I have never done before.
-Waste less time.
-Get all my work done well before it's due (did that this past semester and it was so much easier!)
-Try to eat healthier.
-Go visit my mom at least twice.
-Think about situations, before getting angry about this.
-Talking more about what bothers me instead of verbally attacking.
-Listen to more music.
-Drink more tea and coffee.
-Spend more alone time contemplating.
-Be less down on myself.
-Try to reframe experiences to be more positive ones.
-Try exploring Nebraska more (even if it is by myself)
-Go fishing.
-Go camping.
-Volunteer if time permits for something I believe in.
-Get my school work organized and categorizing in a way that helps for future studying.
-Explore the inner depths of myself.
-Enjoy the fall more.

This list isn't something I can fail, but hopes for the future. I want to continue to create a happy and positive future, in which I continue to grow. I found my best friend and I get to continue to create a future with him, my family, and friends. 2012 was an amazing year and each experience has left me ending the year happy. I couldn't ask for better people in my life, who got me through the hell that was 2011. Love you all!

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”