Life as it goes.

Expression. Pain. Happiness. Fear. Love. Confusion. Bliss.

Words have always been my way of "venting". When I write I feel as though I can express exactly what I would like and that I through writing I will cease to ever be judged. My mother often told me that I wrote beautifully and that this was something I had tremendous skill in. When I wrote I always felt as though it was inadequate, but hearing that I had talent from my biggest critic always encouraged me to press on. This blog has been a way for me to recollect my thoughts through extremely difficult periods of time and other blogging sites have also served this purpose. This blog in turn has become more than just a space for various streams of words and thoughts, but has become close to my heart. I just want to first begin by expressing my deep gratitude towards all of those I have in my life. You all are saint of people and I am truly blessed to have encountered so many wonderful people in my life. Without your love and support I would not be where I am today. I harbor so much love and respect for you and want you to know that I do appreciate you all.

I do not want to state the purpose or what compelled me to write this particular post. I feel as though at this moment it isn't information for the world to know. I just want to share with you what I have learned within the past few years and especially the last few months that I feel need to be said. Life does not come easy for most. The challenge of life constantly reminds us that we are alive and allows us to learn so much about who we are inside. At times, the challenges may seem impossible but what is important is the ability to constantly combat them. We are not fearless creatures so sometimes this battle may seem scary, but just know that in the end you will come out victorious. There is something more beautiful than can ever be imagined beyond all this. The challenges make us appreciate the good that we do have in our lives and remind us of how lucky we have been throughout the years. They remind us that being alive is precious and that this is something we should never take for granted. Waking up and still being here is something that is incredible.

We all struggle or suffer in some way during our lives. Misfortunes come and go to various degrees. Regardless of the degree they are still something we eventually must face. Some experience more than others, but in the end we all understand pain, fear, confusion, anger, and all that comes with negativity. We get through these emotions and we grow into stronger people. Some learn and grow from the negative which has been dealt to them and others fall. I feel as though today I have fallen, but I know that in time I will get back up. I have experienced real heart break. Heart break does not come from some guy who mistreats you or being rejected from something. Real heartbreak is losing someone that you love more than life itself. Real heartbreak causes physical illness. My heart, though broken still wants to love and still is holding on. It is the most painful experience in the entire world, but this pain creates a slew of different emotions aside from the sheer idea of pain. Heartbreak reminds you of what is fundamental to life. It allows you to reevaluate and see how silly little things are and push those things aside to appreciate and put energy to what is actually important elements in life.

In life we often settle for the mundane. We live our lives cowardly hiding behind what society tells us we should be. Instead of cherishing those we love we take them for granted and we forget to take time to count the seconds that we have in our own lives. When something bad  happens in our daily routine we take it out on those we love the most. What we fail to remember is that those that love us are precious. I am lucky to have people who love me so unconditionally and to have so many wonderful memories with these people. We can lose a lot in life. Life is full of letdown, hurt, disappointment, and loss but in the end nobody can ever take your memories from you. My memories are the most precious possessions that I have. Thinking about all of the memories I've shared with someone who is the most incredible woman in the entire world has helped ease this new found pain. Instead of focusing on the mundane focus on making memories with those you love and always letting them know that you love them. Love is a beautiful thing and that can never be taken away from you. You can never really lose anything in life if you hold onto all of that love and never let go of what you stand for.

If I had one request for you all it is that you always love and you attempt to not let the little things fill your heart and mind with negative energy. Life is far too short to allow yourself to harbor ill feelings. Never limit yourself and never judge those around you. Remember... Life may be kicking someone in the ass. I'm so lucky to have had someone who loved me more than life itself and to have a select few who love me as much as they do. For that I can not be miserable or sad despite how terrible I feel, because in the end I still am winning. Some do not ever experience what I have and that is what will get me to push forward always. Memories never die.

Love you all,
Alexis Zoe